


Mikasa's Tea Party

by anarchyarmin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward First Times, Awkward Flirting, Babysitting, Both Eren and Armin's points of view, Crushes, Family Member Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Memory Loss, Oral Sex, Probably more romance than smut but we'll see how it goes, child!mikasa, mentions of hazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 12:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11851164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchyarmin/pseuds/anarchyarmin
Summary: Babysitting his adopted five-year-old sister, Mikasa, is not how Eren wanted to spend an entire week of his summer after he finished high school. When he takes her to the park one afternoon, he discovers she's the best wingman he could possibly have asked for. // Inspired by Alice in Wonderland and The Garden of Words.





	1. Chapter 1

Ok, that should be everything, right? Eren looks in Mikasa's _Frozen_ backpack. She's loaded it up with her plastic shovel and sand castle molds, and the three naked Barbies (well, two of them are 'Kens') she drags around with her everywhere. He adds a juice box, a packet of string cheese, and a plastic bag of Goldfish crackers. He has water for both of them, his phone, and the novel he's been itching to finish. It's just two hours at the park, what could possibly go wrong? Please get tired, Eren thinks. Play and then get tired so you fall asleep right after dinner, and then I can log on and play _Titans Advance_ with Connie in peace. Please.

"Mikasa, you ready?"

She bolts up from the couch. "Uh-huh!" She grabs her backpack and puts it on. It's nearly as big as she is. But no, that was the one Mikasa wanted. Her screams echoed throughout all of Target until Carla conceded.

"Was I like this as a kid?" Eren asked her.

Carla glanced at him for a moment and said nothing.

On the counter she left a credit card for Eren to use. "This is for groceries and essentials only, ok?"

Eren nearly bit his tongue stopping himself from telling her "I know." He spots the shiny card on the way out and bristles. How much damage did you think I could even do in eight days? He grabs Mikasa's hand and they cross the street.

It's a hot afternoon, but the recent rain has made the air cooler and the park lush. Eren spots the sandbox and visualizes himself washing sand out of everything once Mikasa's finished. Great. He looks up at the branches hanging above it. Just enough shade that she shouldn't get sunburned. Eren has his mother's Turkish skin and is largely oblivious to the sun. But Carla will eviscerate him if Mikasa is red and peeling when she and Grisha get back. Even still, Eren thinks, it's so much to keep track of.

How does anyone ever take care of anyone else, Eren thinks. I can barely take care of myself. Eren tries to cook and fails, to his mother's chagrin. He begrudgingly does the laundry she no longer does for him; he waits until he can't see his floor to clean his room. The only thing he doesn't drag his feet on is exercise. He'll let his personal environment go to shit, but not his body. It's a point of pride and a line he will not cross.

"Eren! I'm gonna build a sand castle!" Mikasa shouts.

"Go for it," he says. "Build the biggest sand castle you can build." Eren finds a shaded spot beneath a tree nearby and sits down while Mikasa amuses herself. He pulls his phone from his pocket and texts Connie. _Hey, we still on for tonight?_

 _Oh hey Eren guess what_ , Connie writes. _Sasha's folks invited me to the cabin for the weekend._

 _Dude that's awesome_. Eren slumps against the tree. Connie's been wanting to go to the lake with Sasha for ages. But why does it have to be this week? It's bad enough for Sasha to be gone, but both of them? Eren groans. His internship won't start for another two weeks, but even then, he'll have his evenings free. Who else is in town, he wonders. Hitch and Marlowe won't finish work at their summer camp until next week. Franz is studying abroad, Hannah's on an interfaith service trip. Shit, Eren thinks. Am I the only one? Is it really just going to be me and Mikasa?

It's just eight days, Eren tells himself. And for five of those, Mikasa has day camp in the mornings. Eren sighs. Then he lets out a little morbid laugh. "Who could be lonely with a sleek, Korean boyfriend like you?" he says to his Samsung phone.

He switches the screen on again, then switches on the camera. He takes a photo of himself with his eyes mostly closed, the light through the leaves casting an artistic pattern on his face. _waiting for the white rabbit to come take me away_ , he captions it. _#whereiseveryone_.

Mikasa chatters to herself. She makes a big mound of sand, then makes the Barbie doll kick it over; she builds up a short little wall, then runs through it with one of the Ken dolls. Eren finds it so strange that she does that.

Some people resent their younger siblings, but not Eren. Not until this week, at least. Mikasa entered the picture when he was thirteen, and she was the perfect distraction to keep his parents off his back. He could do more or less whatever he pleased while his parents fawned and fussed over the new bright light of the family. And Eren was happy to accept all the "good big brother" praise for tolerating her so contentedly. But just because he didn't mind her didn't mean he wanted to be responsible for her. Eren wonders if his being in charge is supposed to be less for Mikasa's benefit and more for his own. He doesn't appreciate these tests of adulthood. Isn't that what college is supposed to be for?

He opens his book, _A Choice With No Regrets_ , by the breakout sensation scientist-turned-novelist Zoë Hange. Eren reads, glancing up occasionally at Mikasa. But with the constant gentle breeze, the rustling leaves, and the background murmur from the other visitors to the park, not even the epic dystopian adventure can keep Eren from falling asleep.

**

The sun feels good on Armin's face. It was freezing in the hospital. He kept wondering, the whole time, whether his grandfather was cold. But at least he looked content as Armin and his mother left. Armin doesn't want to think about it. He pictures the serene expression on his grandfather Artolt's face, and decides that it is so. Everything is fine, and this will all be over soon. He'll come home, and things will be the way Armin remembered, just like any other summer.

Armin checks his watch: an hour before he meets his dad and his uncle for dinner. He feels no particular enthusiasm for seeing them. But he'd rather go through the motions with them than watch his mother worry. He finds a bench and takes out his book, _Before the Fall_ by the acclaimed historian-turned-novelist Mike Zacharias. Armin lets himself get taken in by the dark, Medieval adventure, content to worry about some fictional person's problems for a while.

"What are you reading?" A little girl with a mischievous smile and a wide sun hat stands in front of him. She carries three dolls in her arms.

"Oh," Armin says, startled. "Uh...I don't think you would like this book."

"Let me see." She grabs the top of the pages and pulls it down. "Oh," she says. Her face falls. "There are no pictures."

"No," Armin says, shutting the book. "Not in this one, I'm afraid." He looks around. She can't be here by herself. But no one in the distance seems to be looking at her or for her.

"I don't like grown-up books," she says. "I like books with pictures."

"You don't like it when someone reads to you?" Armin asks.

"Yes I do," the girl says, her voice urgent. "But all my books have pictures."

Armin smiles awkwardly. He'd like to go back to reading, but he finds the little girl endearing. He notices her Barbie doll has short hair. "Did you give Barbie a haircut?" he asks, suppressing a laugh.

"She's not Barbie, she's Annie."

"Oh. Annie. I see." Armin nods.

"And this is Bertolt," she holds up a Ken doll with painted brown hair, "and this is Reiner," she holds up the blonde one.

"Those are...interesting names," Armin says. "Did you come up with those?"

"They're Annie's boyfriends," she says.

"Oh. Wow. Lucky Annie."

"She's the queen."

"I see." By now Armin can't help grinning. Little kids will say anything. "What happened to their clothes?"

"I don't know," the girl says with a sigh. "They won't stay on." Then she looks back up at him. "What's your name?"

"My name's Armin," he says.

She smiles. "I like your name. I'm Mikasa."

Armin nods. "Nice to meet you, Mikasa." He's not sure it's appropriate to shake a child's hand.

Mikasa sits on the bench next to him. "Armin, do you like sand castles?"

He pauses for a second. "Uh...yeah. I like sand castles."

"I built a big sand castle today."

But where? Armin glances around the park. The beach leading down to the large central pond is a ten minute walk away, at least.

A figure stumbles onto the sidewalk in front of them, panicked, carrying what looks like a child's backpack in one of his arms. Mikasa leaves her dolls on the bench and runs to him; he drops to his knees in the grass and puts his hands on her shoulders. "Mikasa, don't do that," the young man heaves. "You have to stay where I can see you!"

"But you were having a nap," she says. "You can't see me at all when you're having a nap, so I can go anywhere."

The young man hangs his head. Armin can tell he's fighting his temper with all his might. "Oh my god, Mikasa—"

"Look, Eren! I made a friend!" She grabs his hand and points to Armin on the bench.

Eren looks up for a second and freezes. He blinks a few times. Shiny brown hair hangs long across his mortified face. Even from the short distance away, Armin notices his jewel-like green eyes. There's no way he can be her father, Armin thinks; he looks too young, he looks like he's my age. And they look so different. Isn't the little girl Japanese?

"Mikasa, we talked about this. You're not supposed to talk to strangers—"

She stamps her foot and pouts. "But Armin's really nice!"

Armin looks on helplessly. Eren turns back to him again for a second. "Yes, you know what, I bet Armin is really nice. But not everybody out there is nice. Some people are not nice—" Mikasa starts to cry. Eren wraps his arms around her. "I'm so sorry," he says to Armin.

"Oh, no, really, it's totally fine," Armin says. "Mikasa was just telling me about her Barbies."

"Oh god."

"No, seriously, it's fine, I don't mind it at all."

"How long has she been here?" Eren asks, still wrought with embarrassment.

"Not even five minutes," Armin says.

"Oh, thank god," Eren says. Mikasa still wails. "Mikasa, come on, let's get your dolls. Let's sit down."

Mikasa sits between Eren and Armin on the bench, placated for the moment. She tugs Armin's sleeve. "Armin, this is my big brother, Eren."

Armin tilts his head. Eren mouths the word 'adopted,' and Armin nods. Eren reaches over and shakes his hand. He has a nice grip, Armin thinks. I bet he's even hotter when he's not so stressed out.

"Look, Armin reads boring books like you do," Mikasa says.

Armin laughs. Eren puts his face in his hand. Then he looks over. "Oh. I've been meaning to read that."

"It's pretty good," Armin says. "Sad, though." He tries not to look nervous when he smiles at Eren. "So...you're on babysitting duty?"

"Oh yeah. For the rest of this week," Eren says. There's a resignation to his voice. "Our parents are on vacation."

"Sounds exciting," Armin says.

"Today's only the first day they've been gone," Eren says, looking at the ground. "And already I can tell why they needed a vacation." He looks back up at Armin.

Armin laughs, then tries to conjure the most understanding and compassionate expression he can. "I don't have any siblings," he says, "so I've never gotten roped into it."

"Be glad," Eren says.

"Oh, it can't be that bad." Armin, what are you talking about, he thinks; like you've ever had to take care of another person. Like you could even help your grandfather if you tried.

"It's all right. I'm just complaining." Eren stretches his arms along the back of the bench.

Armin notices how close Eren's fingertips are to his shoulder. "You guys live near here?"

"Yeah, just a couple blocks away," Eren says. "What about you?"

"My mom does," Armin says. "I stay with her in the summer. And then, I'm here for school in the fall." He nods in the direction of the sprawling university campus nearby.

"Oh. Me too," Eren grins excitedly. Armin feels a flutter in his chest. "You know what you're going to study?" Eren asks.

"I'm thinking climate science."

"Mm. Sounds hopeful."

"Well, eventually, that is the goal," Armin says, giving Eren a sidelong glance. "What about you?"

"I want to be a landscape architect."

"Man. You already know."

"Well, I think I do. That's the plan anyway," Eren says. "I got an internship for it at the end of the summer."

Armin smiles. "That's awesome."

Eren smiles back. "So what are you doing until classes start?"

Armin pauses. "Um...right now mostly helping my mom with some stuff." No point in going into it now, Armin thinks; Eren clearly has his hands full. The alarm on Armin's phone rings. He shuts it off. "Ah, I have to go in just a minute."

Eren looks disappointed.

"It's uh, a family thing," Armin says. He wants Eren to know he's not the reason Armin's leaving. "My dad's in town—"

"No, yeah, no worries," Eren says.

"Uh, hey, do you want me to take your picture?" Armin asks as he stands up. He's feeling bold. "To send to your folks."

"Yeah," Eren says, delighted. "Oh my god, that would be great."

"Let's get the fountain in the background," Armin says.

"Mikasa, you want to take a photo?" Eren asks.

"Uh-huh!" She jumps into his arms.

"Ok, you ready?" Armin snaps the photo with his phone.

"I wanna see!" Mikasa scrambles down and runs over to him. Eren leans over, too.

"That turned out really great," Eren says.

Yeah, Armin thinks; it did. "I'll send it to you. What's your number?"

Eren and Armin grin at each other. Eren recites the number, and Armin hits 'send.'


	2. Chapter 2

The photo is a hit with Carla and Grisha. _Oh, how sweet!_ Carla writes. _I hope you two are having fun!_

Well, Mikasa seems to be, Eren thinks. But the panic was worth it to run into Armin. Something up there is looking out for me, Eren says to himself. Eren woke up from his nap when a siren went off in the distance. He opened his eyes and there was only a sand castle, intact. No Mikasa. Then dread, as if his soul would leave his body.

Eren sprinted through the park, searching for the broad light disk of Mikasa's sun hat. Of all the people she could have sat down next to, Armin seemed to have a halo of his own. He wore his gold hair in a half-ponytail, and a blue shirt that brought out his eyes. If this guy's a serial killer, Eren thought, consider me a victim. He's not just cute. He's beautiful. And he gave me his phone number. And that was so perfect...

Mikasa toddles along next to him, oblivious. On the walk back to the house as the sky turns pink, Eren wonders what to say to Armin.

Eren orders a pizza. He gets a large. If Mikasa eats more than a slice, she'll go into a coma. Eren will eat the rest himself for lunch the next day. If the gymnastics day camp didn't serve the kids lunch, Eren knows he would have already forgotten to pack one for Mikasa.

He fears the day when his rocket-fast metabolism falters. His lean physician father measures his portions so carefully; he never sees his mother touch dessert.

"I want to watch a movie," Mikasa says after they eat.

God. Fine. You better choose carefully, Eren thinks. "Ok, what do you want to see?"

"I don't know. I want to see what all the movies are."

Eren turns the TV to the children's menu page and starts scrolling. Please not _Barbie_. Please not _My Little Pony_. Even _Mulan_ for the hundredth time would be all right. At this point, though, pretty much anything but _Frozen_ is ok in Eren's book.

"What's that one?" Mikasa points to an image of a girl in a blue dress.

"That's _Alice in Wonderland_ ," Eren says. Interesting, he thinks. I can live with that.

"I wanna see it!"

Eren selects it. He sits next to Mikasa on the couch. He'd planned on using the TV for some other game once Mikasa went to sleep. But he hasn't seen the film himself since he was about ten, and he's curious.

The Caterpillar is smoking his hookah when Eren's pocket vibrates. The sender field just says 'Armin.' Eren feels suddenly warm.

_How's the babysitting going?_

_She won't go to sleep_ , Eren writes. _So we're watching Alice in Wonderland._

 _Good choice_ , Armin says.

_Yeah I'm lucky because she's probably going to watch it 60 times._

_Haha_  
_well it was one of my favorites_

_I was always more of a Robin Hood kid_ , Eren writes.

_I can see it. You have a kind of Robin quality to you_

We are texting about Disney movies, and I'm already sweating, Eren thinks. He takes a deep breath. _Are you telling me I look like a cartoon fox?_

_I mean it as a compliment I swear!_

_I know :p_ Eren writes. Mikasa scoots over and sits in Eren's lap. _Mikasa decided she wants to sit in my lap._

_Aww. Should I let you go?_

_No it's good_ , Eren says.

_Good thing she can't read then._

Eren cocks an eyebrow. _Uh oh, you going to take this conversation somewhere a five year old shouldn't see?_

 _Not with someone I just met_ , Armin writes. _I'm a gentleman ;)_

Eren snickers. No, you're a tease, he thinks.

"Who are you talking to?" Mikasa asks.

"Uh...Armin, from the park."

"Is he coming over?" she turns around.

"What? No, he's not coming over."

"Oh. I like him. Are you his friend, too?"

"Uh, yes," Eren says. "I think...Armin and I are becoming friends. Yeah."

 _So what are you up to tonight?_ Eren writes.

_Nothing as exciting as Alice in wonderland. Cooking mostly._

_You didn't eat with your folks earlier?_

_That was just with my dad_ , Armin says. _My mom works late shifts so it's for her._

Eren sighs. As much as he bickers with his parents, he'd hate to have to do it in two separate places. Or about them, or in the other's defense. But he doesn't know what Armin's parents are like. _Man that's really nice of you_ , Eren types.

 _She's been really busy lately_ , Armin says. _I don't mind it._

Fuck, Eren thinks; I can't cook to save my life. Eren feels suddenly childish. He doesn't like this feeling.

 _It's nice of you to babysit_ , Armin says.

_I hate to admit this but it wasn't my idea._

_You don't think they're going to ask you to do it again?_

_Well I hope it doesn't go -that- badly_ , Eren writes.

_Just don't fall asleep outside again ;)_

_Please don't judge me!_

_I'm not,_ Armin writes. _It was funny. Honestly I needed the laugh today._

Mikasa's head tips back against Eren's chest.

"Mikasa?"

She's fast asleep.

 _Mikasa's out for the count,_ Eren types. _I got to go put her to bed._

 _Yeah, I should let you go,_ Armin says. _My mom's going to be back soon anyway._

Eren pauses for a moment.

 _Hey good luck with Mikasa,_ Armin says. _I'll talk to you tomorrow._

 _Yeah, definitely!_ Eren wonders if the exclamation point makes him look desperate.

Mikasa whines and grumbles about brushing her teeth and putting on her pajamas. But Eren feels unfazed by it. He just keeps wondering, what was Armin so upset about that he said he needed to laugh?

**

Eren drops Mikasa off at day camp and heads back to the park. On the far end, near the running trails, is a set of parallel and pull-up bars. At nine on a weekday, they'll most likely be free. Eren pulls his shirt off and lays it in the grass with his keys and phone. If I'm going to impress him, it's not going to be with my amazing domestic skills, Eren thinks.

Eren listens for the familiar chime of his phone. Armin said he'd 'talk to him tomorrow,' but he never said what time. All throughout his workout, Eren feels his ears strain, listening, waiting. He wonders what would happen if Armin were to walk by. Then he notices his eyes scanning the park for a blonde figure, hopeful. It's not until Eren reaches the last reps of his last set, squirming and flailing on the bar to eke them out, that he's suddenly grateful no one is around.

Eren jumps down from the bar and looks at himself. He decides he's feeling good. If Mikasa says she wants to go to the pool today, Eren won't say no.

**

Mikasa takes a nap after camp and Eren starts to feel antsy. His phone remains silent. Rather than scroll through his feeds for the millionth time looking at what everyone is doing without him, he picks the book up again. He glances at his phone.

Eren tries not to act too excited when Mikasa wakes up. "Hey. You want to go to the pool?"

Her eyes widen. She stomps her feet excitedly. Then begins the whole debacle of getting ready for the pool. Mikasa can put on her own swimsuit, thankfully. Then there's the goggles. The flip-flops. The floats. The noodles. The Barbies, of course. And above all, sunscreen. Eren feels like a pack animal, but he's hopeful.

"Is Armin coming?" Mikasa asks.

A wide grin spreads across Eren's face. "I don't know, should we invite him?" Oh god, this is perfect.

"Yeah!"

They lay down the huge sack of pool toys and sit on the chaise lounges. _I'm taking Mikasa to the pool and she asked me if you were coming. Want to join?_ Eren hits send, anxious. But at least it's true, Mikasa will confirm it.

 _Hey_ , the response comes back right away. _I just got out of something. How long are you guys going to be there?_

_Probably a while, we just got here._

_Great_  
_I'll come meet you._

Armin shows up much sooner than Eren expects.

"Mikasa, you have to put it on," Eren says.

"I don't want to! It's sticky!" Mikasa swats the bottle of sunscreen out of Eren's hand.

"Mikasa, you're going to get a sunburn, and they hurt." He goes to grab the leaking copper bottle from under another chaise a few paces away when he hears a familiar voice.

"Hi, Mikasa." Armin sits down next to her.

Eren pops up from under the chaise, startled.

"Hey, Eren." Armin wears wayfarer sunglasses and a thin white hoodie. His hair hangs free above his shoulders. He'd look like a page out of a surf catalog, Eren thinks, if he weren't so incredibly pale.

"Eren's making me put on sunscreen." Mikasa crosses her arms.

"Oh, sunscreen. You know, that's a good idea." Armin reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of his own.

Eren sits down across from them.

"How's it going?" Armin asks. He takes off the sweatshirt.

Eren tries not to stare. He wasn't expecting Armin to have a six pack. He looks at Mikasa. "We're...having a disagreement," he says. Mikasa pouts.

Armin draws a white line of sunscreen down one of his arms and starts rubbing it in. "You sure you don't want to put some on, Mikasa?" he asks, his voice soft. "I always have to put it on. I turn bright red if I don't." He starts on his other arm.

"I don't know." She dangles her legs over the side of the chaise.

"You're pretty light, like me," Armin says. "I'd really hate for you to get sunburned."

She looks at him, squirming.

"Here, try this kind, it smells like coconuts."

Mikasa reaches out her hands and Armin squeezes a blob of sunscreen into them. She rubs her hands together. This is going to be a mess.

"Why don't you get Eren to help you rub it in?"

Mikasa holds out her arms and Eren spreads the rest of it over her skin.

"How are you doing this?" he whispers while Mikasa's distracted.

Armin shrugs. "I don't know, it's easy for me, she's not my sister."

Eren finishes helping Mikasa.

"Now we have to put sunscreen on Eren!" Mikasa shouts.

"Yes, we do." Armin grins. He squirts more sunscreen into her palm. She slaps a little white handprint of it in the center of Eren's chest.

"Thanks," Eren says. Mikasa starts to smear it around.

"Skin cancer is no joke, Eren." They smile at each other for a moment.

"Hey, you want me to help you get your back?" Eren asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure," Armin says. He turns around and tries not to laugh as Eren massages the sunscreen into his skin. Mikasa joins in. Then he does start laughing.

"Man, I bet you do get sunburned," Eren says. He feels a prickle of jealousy at how clear Armin's skin is, though.

"Like you wouldn't believe," he says.

"Can we go swimming now?" Mikasa asks.

"We have to wait a few minutes for the sunscreen to sink in," Eren says. Mikasa puts her fists on her hips and glowers. "Why don't you show Armin what you learned at camp?"

Her face lights up and she drops into a perfect backbend, then kicks her feet over her head and stands back up.

"Wow," Armin says, perplexed. "That's really good."

"Gymnastics camp," Eren says.

"Ah. Gotcha."

"I can do a cartwheel!" Mikasa launches into a series of cartwheels along the side of the pool.

"She's so funny," Armin says.

Eren sighs.

"Sorry, I guess I don't have to deal with her 24-7," Armin says. He claps Eren on the back.

Yes, Eren thinks; feel bad for me. Touch me more.

"She's all right," Eren says.

"Good thing there's a lifeguard," Armin says, "in case you fall asleep again."

Eren sinks his face in his hand.

"I'm just messing with you." Armin rubs Eren's back.

It's good, Eren thinks. I can handle being messed with like this.

"Can we swim now?" Mikasa says.

"Can you do a cannonball?" Armin asks.

"Yes," Mikasa says, offended.

"Show me your best cannonball," Armin says. "From the deep end!"

"I know!" Mikasa skitters to the other end of the pool and gets ready to take a flying leap.

Mikasa practices her flips off of Eren's shoulders. Armin pretends to be a judge and gives her scores. When Eren's shoulders get tired, she jumps off of Armin's. When she gets tired of flips, she puts her goggles on and takes the Barbies scuba diving.

Armin slicks his hair back out of his face and gets out of the pool to check his phone. Eren watches him; he likes how he looks with his hair wet, the way his skin glistens in the sun.

Armin pulls his phone from his drawstring backpack. When he sees the screen, a look of dread passes over him. Eren notices the emblem on the bag: Mitras Hall Fencing, it reads, from the boarding school on the opposite end of town. Armin shoves the phone back in his bag and climbs back in the pool, his expression neutral, as though nothing has happened.

"You all right?" Eren asks.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Armin says.

"You went to Mitras?"

"Oh. Yeah." The school was known for two things: its rigorous academics, and its hazing scandal that was all over the local news two years prior.

"What did you think of it?" Eren asks.

Armin shrugs. "I had my fencing friends. We just kind of stayed out of the way and did our own thing." They sit on the steps of the pool while Mikasa plays. "I actually liked my classes a lot. The hard part was the people."

"You weren't involved in—"

"No. Not directly," Armin says. "But I knew some of the guys that were." Six students had been expelled. Three were convicted. One passed from alcohol poisoning. And several simply left the school on their own accord, no longer wanting to be associated with it.

"I only knew one guy that went there. He was my year at Trost. You know Jean Kirstein?"

"Yeah," Armin says. "I knew him. He was a year ahead of me, though. He left, and then I guess he took a year off."

"I always thought he was kind of a prick," Eren says.

Armin lets out a little dry, morbid laugh. "He could be like that, yeah. He and the guy who passed were really close, though. I mean like, really close."

"Oh." Eren gets it. "Man, I had no idea."

"I haven't talked to Jean in ages. He just kind of fell off the face of the earth."

Eren regrets bringing it up.

Mikasa runs up to them holding something in her hand, goggles still on. "Eren! I want to play with the torpedo!"

"Ok, go for it!" Eren takes the rubber torpedo and throws it through the water. She swims after it.

"Oh my god," Armin says. "For a second, I thought that was a dildo."

Eren laughs. "Don't let her hear you say that. The last thing I need is for my parents to get back and her to be like, 'Mom, what's a dildo?'" He imitates her voice and Armin laughs. Eren feels relieved to see him smile.

They take turns throwing the torpedo for Mikasa. They talk about college, scholarships and sports. Armin's fencing, Eren's soccer. They discover they've both always kind of liked horses, though Armin had no interest in being the only guy on the Mitras equestrian team. You know what's funny? Steeplechase. You know what's funnier? Human steeplechase.

Eren loves talking to Armin. But he notices Armin almost always brings the conversation back to Eren. He never dwells long on anything about himself.

"Eren, I'm hungry," Mikasa says as the sun starts to set. "What are we having for dinner?"

"I don't know, what do you want for dinner?" Eren asks. They start gathering up the pool toys. Armin dries off, but doesn't put his shirt back on.

"Fish sticks," Mikasa says.

"What? No."

"Chicken nuggets."

"Ew, Mikasa, no."

"Pizza!"

"We did that last night!"

Armin lays his hand on Eren's shoulder. "You'll figure something out."

They make their way to the edge of the park.

"You on cooking duty again tonight?" Eren asks.

"Most likely," Armin says.

Eren decides to pry a little. "What were you coming from earlier today?"

"Oh. Just more family stuff," Armin says. Eren decides not to push it. "All right, I'm headed this way." They reach a fork in the path. "Thanks for inviting me, this was fun today." He reaches over to hug Eren.

Eren decides to let the hug last as long as Armin chooses, which is a little longer than either of them expects. Eren feels an adrenaline rush. It feels good to have Armin's body pressed against him. Extremely good. Mikasa hugs Armin's leg. The boys laugh and pull apart. Armin kneels in the grass and gives her a proper hug.

"Bye Armin!" she says.

"Bye Mikasa, I'll see you guys later." Armin holds Eren's gaze for a moment before he walks away.

Eren watches him walk off.

**

The apartment is empty when Armin gets home. It shouldn't be empty. His grandfather should be reading on the porch, or watching TV in the living room, or bickering with a neighbor about politics. Armin gets out his ingredients for dinner. He sautees slices of polenta in oil; he cooks spinach, tomatoes, and mushrooms in a saucepan. He serves two plates. It should be three. One he wraps in plastic and leaves on the counter. The other he sets on the table. He washes everything and puts it away. Then, he sits down to eat his food.

Armin doesn't mind being alone, a natural introvert. But this is not the right solitude, this is not the easy quiet of reading contentedly in the same room as his grandfather. Mom, why did you take on so many extra shifts, Armin wonders. Is Grandpa's treatment really going to be that expensive? Or can you not stand the quiet either?

I should message Jean, Armin thinks; at least see how he's doing. But it's been so long. He might not even want to talk to me.

Jean was one of his closest friends at Mitras before he left. In the months between Marco's passing and Jean's departure, Armin stood by feeling like a shadow, clueless, watching his friend's despair. That was the worst of the silence. Armin wonders which is worse: to be at the center of grief, or to stand by, feeling useless? If his grandfather passes, which position will he be in?

“Don’t cry,” Armin’s dad used to say, over and over to him as a kid. It had taken Armin all of eighteen years to understand that most of the time when he said that, he meant, ‘I want you to feel better,’ and not, ‘crying is forbidden.’ He’s not sure he could cry now if he wanted to. For Marco. For his parents, how much he loves and hates them both. For his grandfather.

He walks into his bedroom and changes into boxers and a t-shirt. Most of his belongings from his father’s house are packed into boxes; they won’t see the light again until he moves into his dorm in the fall. Two black plastic eyes look at him from the bed. The stuffed fur seal his father bought him at Sea World as a child remains free from the boxes. Armin had been good that day. He hadn’t cried at all.

He brushes his teeth and texts his mother that dinner is on the counter, and he’s tired, and going to bed early. He takes a benadryl and turns off the light. He doesn’t see her response thanking him and asking if he’s ok. He doesn’t see Eren’s texts, either.

**

Ok, it’s just pasta, how hard can it be?

When Eren gets home, he puts on Alice in Wonderland for Mikasa and pulls out his ingredients to cook. He puts the dry spaghetti in water, turns the electric stove on, and gets out a pan to heat the sauce. He sets the alarm on his phone to check on the pasta and sits down with Mikasa on the couch.

Alice is drinking from curiously labeled bottles when the smoke detector goes off. Mikasa screams and covers her ears. Eren runs into the kitchen. Where he expects to see steam billowing from the stockpot, there’s a foot-tall fire and a trail of black smoke.

Oh. Shit.

Eren grabs the small fire extinguisher from the cupboard and douses the stove. He turns on the fan. He grabs a baking sheet and wafts it in front of the smoke alarm to get it to finally turn off.

Fuck. So much for pasta.

Eren spots his mistake amongst the fluffy white mess. He switched on the wrong eye. The corner of a tea towel was lying on it and poof—flames. Eren, you incompetent ass, he says to himself.

“Eren, what happened?” Mikasa peers into the kitchen.

“Nothing, everything’s fine.”

“Why did you make a fire?”

“I—“ Shit, Eren thinks. He sighs. “Something’s wrong with the stove,” he says. “I’m going to fix it.”

“Eren, when are we gonna eat?”

“Soon, I’m getting us food, just watch your movie, ok?” Eren summons Chinese takeout from his phone.

“Can we rewind it?”

Eren sets it back a few minutes for her. He cleans the stove until their food arrives. When it gets there, they eat on the couch, directly from the boxes.

The Cheshire cat grins cruelly from his branch when Eren picks up his phone again. _I think we’re going back to the park tomorrow afternoon_ , he texts Armin. _Want to join?_


	3. Chapter 3

Eren puts Mikasa to bed and returns to his phone. He expects to see the little light blinking, but there's nothing. Eren logs in to _Titans Advance_ to play a different campaign from the one he started with Connie. But all through the game, he keeps looking at his phone out of the corner of his eye.

When it does go off, it's a group text from Hitch about a concert coming up, and Eren's bubble of hope bursts. Then he gets excited again. Maybe I could bring Armin, he thinks; introduce him to my other friends. But then, Eren thinks, scrolling through his previous texts, maybe Armin's had enough of you for today. Maybe there's someone else in the picture for Armin.

Eren takes up his book and reads until he falls asleep. When he wakes up, there's an answer.

_Hey yeah I'd love to_   
_What time are you guys going?_

The timestamp is 5:18 am. Who the hell gets up that early, Eren wonders. Not since the most brutal soccer conditioning camp he's ever gone to has he had to get out of bed before six.

_Hey I was thinking 4?_   
_Mikasa gets out of camp at 2:30 and then she needs a nap._

Listen to me, I've become so domestic and responsible, Eren thinks. Armin's response comes a half-hour later.

_Yeah that sounds great_   
_Where do you want me to meet you?_

The duck boats, Eren thinks. I'll talk Mikasa into it and we can pretend this was all her idea. It takes an hour to get from one end of the huge pond to the other, longer if you pedal along the banks in the shade. There we go, a nice, relaxing boat ride. Then maybe you can tell me what's going on with you.

Eren drops a sleepy, cranky Mikasa off at day camp, then heads to the park to run. He scopes out the pond and the boats. He checks out his shirtless reflection in the sliding glass door of the clubhouse, still closed and empty. Armin's eyes had lingered on him in the pool, and Eren realized how much he liked it, being watched, being admired. Watching Armin watching him gave him a thrill, as if looking at Armin alone wasn't enough. He is pretty, Eren thinks, but that word is not sufficient. A little bit androgynous, with something noble and refined about him. He was not Eren's default archetype of 'hot,' and yet he has a stronger pull on Eren than any of the endless images of boys the internet could serve up. Do they call it a 'crush' because it feels a little bit like dying?

Eren picks up the trail again.

Armin kept writing everything off as 'family stuff.' But sometimes family stuff gets ugly. The last time Eren had to deal with 'family stuff,' his aunt Sonia stayed with him and his parents for a month during her acrimonious divorce. Eren heard (and overheard) all kinds of dark secrets about that side of the family, the betrayals and addictions. Eren had been oblivious to all of it. Did they try to maintain the illusion of being normal, Eren wondered, or am I really just that thick?

The trail opens into a wide, grassy field, and Eren wishes he had an elastic to keep his sweat-soaked hair out of his face.

A year prior to Sonia's stint in their home, Carla's father passed away. Eren hardly knew him. He lived abroad, and the visits were happy, but few. Carla was crushed, and Eren was simply stupefied by the change. Miksasa was still an infant then, and cousins and co-workers came out of the woodwork to help Grisha with the baby while Carla was in her own separate dimension of pain. The only thing worse than seeing her like that, Eren thought, was the realization that there was nothing he could do. Her moods were untouchable. It was then that Eren started watering the plants, first out of desperation to do anything to help, then, later, because he simply liked them.

Eren runs past a group of old women doing Tai Chi, all standing one one leg like flamingos, and a pack of grunting Crossfitters swinging kettlebells. Armin said he fenced some in the summers, with a club on this side of town. Maybe that's what he's doing this morning. Maybe he'll teach me to fence. I bet I'll suck at it. But maybe that would cheer him up.

Eren hopes whatever's going on isn't too serious. The last time he tried to give someone advice, he told his friend Bert that he should absolutely tell their mututal friend Annie he had a crush on her. Following Annie's mortifying rejection, Bert didn't talk to Eren for a month. And then the school year was over, and Eren hadn't seen Bert since. I am the last person you should go to, Eren thinks. I try to make pasta and I nearly burn the house down.

**

I should go to fencing, Armin thinks.

But he doesn't want to explain to his friends where he's been. No, he thinks, it's not a big deal. Everything's fine. He's coming home soon. Everything's going to be fine.

Armin makes himself a sandwich; he throws a granola bar and a couple of pieces of fruit in his bag and wanders into the park. He walks up to a tall, wooden gazebo overlooking the pond. There's no one there. He sits in the shade and eats his late lunch.

It's not fine. This is not ok. This is the sickest and weakest you've ever seen him, Armin thinks. This is not normal, this is not ok for Artolt who hiked well into his 70s and ran a bridge club and read all of Armin's papers for school. It's not normal for the retired editor to not remember things, to not remember his age, to forget for the moment what year it is, to suddenly not understand why he's sick.

No, this was the worst of the hospital visits by far.

Keep it together, he tells himself. You get to see Eren today, be happy about that. And Mikasa will be there, and she's a riot.

Armin sets the alarm on his phone and reads his book until it's time to meet Eren and Mikasa.

**

Mikasa yawns and wakes up from her nap on the couch. "Eren, I want to go to the park."

Eren looks up from his computer. "Yeah? You want to go down to the pond?"

"Yes." She folds her hands. "Can we get the swan?"

"What swan?"

"You know! The boat that looks like a swan!"

Eren knows exactly which swan she's talking about. Most of the fleet of pedal-boats look like giant rubber ducks. But a few of them are swans. "Yeah, I bet we could get that one. Maybe if you ask the boat lady really nicely."

"I know how to say the magic words!"

Eren grins. He texts Armin. _So Mikasa wants to take a swan boat out on the pond, what do you think about that?_

 _Works for me_ , Armin writes.

 _We're on our way down_ , Eren says.  
_If you get there first will you reserve a swan for us?_

 _One swan, got it_ , Armin says.

They load up the backpack with Barbies, sunscreen, and juice boxes, and set off.

**

"I like your hat," Armin says to Mikasa while Eren pays for the boat.

"It's my sun hat," she says. "You should try it on." She takes it off. He kneels down and she sets it on his head.

"What do you think?" he says, still kneeling.

"I like it."

Eren turns around and laughs. "Mikasa, what are you doing?"

"You know what, I think it looks better on you," Armin says. He pulls it off and gives it back to her.

"Are you going to get a sunburn?" she asks Armin.

"No, I put on a lot of sunscreen today," he says.

Eren notices the coconut smell and fidgets. Oh god. Please tell me I'm not going to get half a hard on every time I smell coconut, he thinks.

The attendant walks out with them and unlocks a swan from where it bobs against the concrete bulkhead.

"Ok, Mikasa, what do we say?" Eren asks her.

"Thank you," she says to the woman with the clutch of keys.

"You're very welcome. You guys have fun." She waves them off.

The boats are not especially large, and while the swan technically fits two people to pedal, Eren and Armin sit right up next to each other. Eren doesn't mind. Their bags lie in the center of the boat, and Mikasa clings to the swan's neck and looks out as they putter slowly through the water.

"How about some shade," Eren says.

"That sounds good."

Eren steers them toward the side of the pond. The shadows from the trees are lengthening. Mikasa laughs as they brush through some willows. She picks flowers off of low-hanging branches and puts them in her pockets, leaves and petals sticking out.

"So what have you been up to today?" Eren asks.

"Not a lot," Armin says. "I went to the gym, I met up with my mom and my grandpa, I came here to read for a while." He shrugs. It's all technically true. He went to the gym for no other reason than to get out of the apartment. He used the rowing machine for forty five minutes, listened to some loud music, showered, and met his mother at the hospital. Armin turns to Eren and grins. "You guys get dinner figured out last night?"

"Uh...we got takeout," Eren says.

"Eren made a fire," Mikasa says.

"What?" Armin laughs.

No, Mikasa. No. Not now. Please, Eren thinks. "There was a problem with the--"

"We were gonna cook dinner, and then the alarm went off, and then there was smoke, and there were big flames, and then Eren had to get the fire 'stinguisher--"

By now Armin is laughing out loud.

"I turned on the wrong eye of the stove," Eren says under his breath. "There was a towel on it."

"You don't cook much, do you?" Armin asks.

"Well, usually no one ever asks me to," Eren says.

"You're on your own again tonight, huh?"

"Yeah," Eren groans.

"You want some help?" Armin asks.

"You want to help me cook."

Armin shrugs. "Why not?"

Eren looks at the floor of the boat and smiles. "Hey Mikasa, you want Armin to come over for dinner tonight?"

"Uh-huh!"

"What do you want for dinner?" Eren asks. He looks at Armin.

"I don't know," she says. "It's not dinner yet."

"Ok, I'll ask again later."

Mikasa sits in the center of the boat and sorts through her collection of freshly-pulled leaves.

"So how did you learn to cook?" Eren asks Armin.

"My mom taught me," he says.

"My mom taught me, too, but I don't remember anything," Eren says.

"It's just practice."

"So what does your mom do, anyway?" Eren asks.

"She's a nurse, at Mount Sina."

"Oh. My dad works there."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, he's a cardiologist."

They pedal around the pond, the dark water is green and glassy. They talk about their parents, life at home. Eren grew up in this part of the city; Armin comes from a smaller town downstate. When he started boarding school, he spent his summers in the city. He visits his father sometimes, though these days, it's less and less.

Eren feels like Armin could talk about anything, make some unexpected observation, ask a question about it from an unusual angle. But in expected fashion, Armin gives just a few details about his family before asking Eren about his own, quick to volley the conversation back. Does he know he's doing that? Eren wonders. Surely he must. The conversation drifts to school, to rumors about the university, to the geophysics department Armin wants to join. That, he opens up more about.

"He doesn't want me to go here," Armin says about his dad.

"Why not?" Eren asks.

"He said he didn't send me to Mitras for me to end up at some state school."

Eren makes a face.

"He's such a snob about it, I hate it. I told him I never asked to go to Mitras, he and my mom just decided I should go because I got in and he could pay for it." Armin pedals a little more slowly. "They thought I'd have it easier there, that I wouldn't get picked on, but I did. And then, of course, the whole hazing thing happened..."

"Jesus," Eren says. He looks at the flock of ducks at the edge of the pond. "So, why do you want to come here? Besides geophysics?"

"I mean, that's most of it," Armin says. "Even if I went to some Ivy, I don't know that it would be as good. I read a couple of books by the department chair here, I really like her whole approach, her whole, like, vision for it, you know?" Armin runs his hand through his hair. "But also...it's where my friends are. After this whole...thing went down, we made a kind of pact, you know, like we wanted to stay together. Except for Jean. I kind of wish he hadn't left. But he just couldn't stand it, he didn't want to be around anymore. In fact I don't even know where he's going this fall."

"I don't remember either." Eren's class had a thousand students in it; Armin's had 150 at most.

"It was so messed up," Armin says. "Two of the guys who did all the hazing had gotten into Ivies, they were so obnoxious about it. Me and my friends just decided we didn't want to deal with those kind of people. We were just sick of it, you know?"

"Man, that's rough," Eren says. "I don't know what I would have done." He looks at Armin and smiles. "I'm glad you're going to be here in the fall, though."

Armin smiles back and the warmth of it makes Eren want to melt. "Yeah," he says. "I am, too."

Mikasa amuses herself with her flowers and dolls. The late afternoon sun pours through the trees and draws shapes on the water. It's so tranquil, Eren thinks. He needs it to be tranquil so his heart doesn't jump out of his chest in Armin's presence. The pedaling helps with the nervousness; good to have something to do. An actual swan drifts past them and Mikasa squeals with delight and jumps back up to see it better.

"Do you like swans, Mikasa?" Armin asks.

"Yes," she says. "And I like ducks, and geese, and I like birds that swim."

"Oh, we could go feed the ducks," Armin says.

"Aw, yeah, I didn't bring any bread or anything," Eren says.

Armin shrugs. "Next time."

I like the sound of this, Eren thinks.

"Armin what's your favorite animal?" Mikasa turns around, her arms looped around the plastic boat's neck.

"Hm...probably rabbits," he says.

"Really?" Eren asks.

"Yeah, we had a hutch of them when I was little," Armin says. He smiles and the smile is genuine. "So I played with them all the time growing up."

"I don't think I've ever, like, met a rabbit in person," Eren says. "I guess I've seen them in pet shops."

"Yeah, we had four of them. My grandma used to raise them. She passed away before I could meet her, but my grandpa kept raising them. I guess they reminded him of her. I don't think he was all that interested in them before."

"Did you have a favorite?" Eren asks.

"Of course," Armin says. "Her name was Zoe. She was white with red eyes."

"Whoa, aren't those kind of creepy?"

"Yeah, but that's part of why she was my favorite," Armin says. He leans back and looks up at the sky. "I used to feed her carrots. She was great." He turns to Eren. "So what's your favorite animal?"

"Gotta be a tiger," he says.

"I saw a tiger at the zoo!" Mikasa shouts. Mikasa launches into a narrative of her last trip to the zoo, and Armin and Eren listen obligingly. Then the topic turns to the design of the zoo. Armin asks Eren about what he would have done differently. He asks Eren about this park, and Eren explains all about the native plants that work well here, the ornamental ones that don't, how the paths of foot traffic affect the wildlife. It's not until they reach the concrete dock again that Eren realizes that Armin pulled the perfect judo move: Eren harped on about his passion for the last twenty minutes, and Armin didn't have to say a word about himself.

**

"I'm getting hungry, what about you?" Armin asks Mikasa. They step out of the little boat.

"Uh-huh."

"Ok, what do you want for dinner?" Eren asks.

"Breakfast," she says.

"What?" Eren squints.

"Pancakes," she says.

Armin lays his hand on Eren's shoulder. "When you ask her that...do you really expect her to say something normal?" he asks softly. Eren's face falls. "I can make pancakes," Armin says. "Do you guys have everything, or do we need to go to the store?"

"Oh. We're going to need to go to the store," Eren says.

"I want to ride in the cart!" Mikasa shouts.

"No, Mikasa, you can't do that, that's not allowed anymore," Eren says. Mikasa looks like she's about to cry. "You can ride on my shoulders," Eren says. Her face lights up again. Eren kneels down and Mikasa climbs on.

The tower of them earns a lot of amused smiles in the grocery store. Armin takes care of the cart. They pass a fruit display, and Armin puts a box of blueberries into the cart. "How about...blueberry pancakes?" he asks. Mikasa claps her hands.

Eren feels relieved when Armin pulls a box of organic pancake mix off the shelf. Thank god he's not about to make these from scratch.

"You guys have syrup?" Armin asks.

"Uh...no," Eren says. Armin pulls a glass bottle in the shape of a maple leaf off the shelf. "Aw, crap," Eren says. "I forgot to make a grocery list." Now is not the time for Armin to discover that Eren lives off of protein bars, protein shakes, and leftovers.

"It's all right, we can walk through for a minute," Armin says.

The turn down another aisle and Eren spots a colorful box. "Oh, hey, look Mikasa, it's those fruit snacks you like." Mikasa gasps. Carla has a stringent aversion to sugar. Anything gummy is a rare item in the Jaeger house. "What kind do you want?"

"Dinosaurs," she says. "No! Bunnies! For Armin!"

Eren pulls two boxes from the shelf and puts them in the cart. These are absolutely not for me, he thinks. Nope. He grabs a few more items to make himself look civilized. A bunch of bananas, eggs, pasta to replace the half-cooked mess from the previous night.

**

The kitchen isn't a distaster, Eren thinks, but there's still a trace of the smell of smoke from the night before. Eren's sure Armin notices, but he doesn't say anything. Eren beats three eggs in a bowl and tries as hard as he can not to slosh them over the sides. He adds them to the bowl of blueberries and pancake mix. Armin melts butter in two skillets and Mikasa sits on the counter next to them, watching.

"You're not cooking for your mom tonight?" Eren asks.

"Oh, no, I am," Armin says. "But she won't be back until later. I figured I'd bring her a few extra of these, and some of the fruit. You guys have some tupperware or something I can borrow?"

"Yeah, of course." Good, Eren thinks; if you borrow something, then you'll have to bring it back. "Mikasa, you want to help me set the table?" As if we ever set the table when it's just us. She nods and jumps down from the counter. Eren points out where the forks and knives go. Look, he thinks. Look how civilized I am.

Armin pours the batter into the skillet and the first of the pancakes emerges. He pours another one, then flips the first over perfectly. Finally short stacks of them stand on three plates. Eren sprays out a huge turret of whipped cream for Mikasa, and sprinkles a handful of the fresh blueberries on top. He's tempted to take a photo.

"Oh my god, these are so good," Eren says. He's tempted to just plant his head in his food and give up. Armin smiles proudly.

"Eren, I want to watch a movie!" Mikasa says after they eat. "Armin, do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," he says. He looks at his watch. "Yeah, I can stay a little bit later."

"I want to see Alice again!" Mikasa says.

"Here we go," Eren says under his breath.

"You know," Armin says, "it's been so long since I've seen it...I'd actually kind of like to see it again. Some of it, I mean. I need to go in like an hour."

"Ok, I mean...if you want to." They load up the dishwasher and Eren puts the film back on.

Armin sits next to Eren on the couch, and Eren puts his arm around his shoulder. Armin leans against Eren a little more. Armin seems so relaxed, but Eren is sweating. It feels so good to have him next to me, Eren thinks. Why can't I just relax?

Mikasa is completely taken in by the film. Armin rests his head on Eren's shoulder and sighs.

"You all right?" Eren asks.

"Yeah, just tired from the gym, I think." Armin is good at lying, both to other people and to himself.

Eren drops his hand to Armin's waist and pulls him closer. He wonders if Armin can feel how fast his pulse is. Even if Eren wanted to pay attention to the movie, Armin is too distracting.

The Queen of Hearts is going on a rampage when Armin looks at his watch. "I should head out," he says. He takes the container of food from the kitchen. Eren meets him at the door.

"Hey, thanks again for dinner," Eren says.

"Yeah, no problem. This was fun." Armin stands smiling at him for a moment. He reaches over to hug Eren, tighter this time. Eren reaches up to touch Armin's hair, and Armin, to Eren's surprise, kisses the side of his face, just beneath his ear.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, Eren. Deep breaths.

Eren watches Armin disappear down the street, then walks back to the living room. Mikasa hadn't run to hug Armin goodbye; instead she lies sleeping on the couch. Eren decides she can sleep there a little while longer. He slides open the glass door to the terrace and sits among his plants. The inside of the house was painstakingly curated by Carla, but the terrace is Eren's domain, ceded to him by her. He can grow anything. It makes him the butt of endless stoner jokes, but he doesn't care. Eren sits in the humid night air and hears the sound of his own heartbeat.

Holy shit.

He kissed me.

Eren plants his forehead on the teak table and groans. I want him so bad, he thinks. Eren's never kissed anyone in a way that wasn't a joke or a dare. He hadn't particularly wanted to start college a virgin, either, but the prospect of remedying that makes him freeze up. Nothing paralyzes him more than this. He could jack it until he goes numb, but as soon as a good looking guy approaches him in real life, Eren feels like his chest is bound together with strings, and someone is pulling all of them together at once.

Eren runs his fingers through his hair in despair. I don't even fucking know how to properly kiss him, he thinks. Eren doesn't need to dress it up, make a big deal out of it; he doesn't need this creepy purity ring business the religious kids still do downstate. But he does want someone who isn't going to judge him, who isn't going to make him feel ashamed. Someone who can let him go at his own pace and try things out. Eren heaves a sigh. Like you could actually get a boyfriend and keep one, he thinks; you're not even really that good of a friend, we all just like the same stuff.

In the distance, Eren hears what sounds like thunder. He walks back inside and carries Mikasa to her room. She's too sleepy to protest, and Eren's grateful she doesn't throw a tantrum. He distracts himself with his game until his eyes refuse to stay open.

**

The next evening, Mikasa is going to a birthday party. The immaculately wrapped gift stands waiting on a side table, prepared in advance. Eren has the house to himself. His fingers burn. He wonders what to text Armin next. You're not born knowing this stuff, he thinks; you just have to find out. But it doesn't make him want to get it right any less.

It's raining when Eren takes Mikasa to camp. On his way back to the gym, he braces the umbrella against his shoulder and hashes out a text.

 _Hey, what are you doing tonight? Mikasa's going to be at a friend's house. Do you want to get dinner?_ He takes a deep breath and hits send.

Eren runs on the treadmill instead of outside. He switches the TV to the Premier League football game and runs hard, craving the endorphin rush. Every few minutes he looks at his phone. Nothing. He reaches the end of his hour on the machine.

 _I was going to offer to cook, but, you know_. He winces as he types. Please think it's funny.

Eren leaves his still-blank phone in a locker while he showers. He sits on the tile bench set into the wall and inhales the thick steam. He wonders if this is the gym Armin goes to. It could be, they live close enough. What if he's here? Would he want to see me? Why won't he answer me?

Eren pumps the soap into his hand and leans back into the heat of the wall. His hand finds his cock. He tries to think of anyone but Armin. It doesn't work.

**

It's still so cold in the hospital. Armin wears his sweatshirt zipped up. He sits by his mother, who holds his grandfather's hand.

"Alison," Artolt asks, his voice weak, "who is the...nice young man...you brought with you?"

Armin feels suddenly colder.

"Dad, this is Armin," she says, tearing up. "This is your grandson, Armin."

"Armin...I don't know an Armin..." Artolt says.

Armin's breathing gets shallow. "Mom," he says, his voice nearly a whisper, "I have to go."

She nods. He walks quickly down the long, white hallway, past flocks of nurses, residents with clipboards. He finds what looks like an empty corridor and collapses onto a bench. He puts his face in his hands, and for the first time since he was little, he starts to cry. It's slow at first, and yet, he can't control it. His body convulses with it, as though keeping it in might kill him.

A figure appears in front of him: a nurse he hasn't seen in several days. "Armin, I'm so sorry," he says. He lays his hand on Armin's shoulder.

Armin looks up at him in horror. He stands up slowly, his face a mess of tears and snot. He backs away and runs to the end of the corridor to the exit. He clambers down the empty stairwell and flings open the side door to the street. It's raining. He doesn't care. He pulls his hood over his face and runs to the park, to the pond, to the empty gazebo, and screams. Loud, low sobs pour forth that seem like they would never end. He knows the nurse meant well, but in that moment, Armin hates him. He's not even dead, Armin thinks. He's not even gone, and yet Armin feels like he's the one who's dying.

He wraps his arms around his knees. The rain falls harder and turns the surface of the water into glassy spikes. Armin cries and everything comes back. The horror of losing Marco. Marco, why did you have to be friends with everyone? With them? Armin and Jean had channeled it all into fencing, stuffed it all into a tiny window of stoicism and anger. Jean, why did you leave us? Why did you go to France with your cousins and leave us all behind? You were my friend! I needed you!

How can the human body produce so many tears? Armin sees images of his parents, the house they had when he was little. The house he was in the last time he remembers crying. He feels hatred toward them, too. Why are you making me do this? He sees himself sitting on a suitcase in what was his parents' bedroom. Why are you doing this to each other? Why are you doing this to me?

Tears spill, and Armin's phone blinks unnoticed with another text from Eren. _Hey, is everything ok?_

**

Eren listens to the sound of the rain while he finishes his novel. But once the distraction is gone, his heart sinks again. What am I doing wrong, he asks himself. And what am I going to do all day?

Eren texts Connie. He's back from the lake, but at his grandmother's 80th birthday. No luck for tonight.

Eren decides to get out of the house. He grabs the umbrella, puts his headphones in, and takes a long walk to the sprawling bookstore on the far end of the university campus. He picks up a copy of the book Armin's been reading. Am I being creepy? Eren wonders. But then, maybe Armin will want to talk about the book. If Armin ever gets back to him. Eren wraps the plastic bag around the book and tucks it under his arm. He takes a long route home through the park, and hates the way he waits for his pocket to buzz.

**

Armin stands on his doorstep, completely soaked. He reaches in his pocket for his keys. The leather of his wallet is damp, but the contents are dry. His phone still works. He sees the light from the unread messages. If they're from his mother, he doesn't even want to know what they might say. He shoves his wallet, keys, and phone in the drawer of his night table. He pulls out a set of dry clothes and wanders zombie-like into the shower.

When he opens the bathroom door in his clean clothes, his mother is hanging her raincoat on its hook. A sack of groceries stands at her feet. He stands frozen, looking at her. She says nothing. Her face is as red as his has been.

She walks up to him and puts her arms around him. Armin hugs her back and sinks his face into her collarbone.

"Do you want anything to eat?" she asks him after a moment.

"No," he says. "I'm going to go lie down."

Armin takes another benadryl. From his mother's expression, he knows: the memories aren't coming back.

**

Eren doesn't bother cooking. He grazes on ramen noodles, beef jerky, and the fruit snacks he claimed were for Mikasa, who ate at the party. It's a pathetic meal, but Eren feels pathetic. He reads on the couch while Mikasa watches her movie again. Then he picks up his phone, and decides to try again.

**

The clock reads ten past nine when Armin wakes up. His body feels hollow and light. He opens the drawer and sees his phone still blinking. He unlocks it. A day's worth of missed texts from Eren. Armin flops back down on the bed and thinks he might cry again. I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this, but especially not him, Armin thinks. Then his phone buzzes in his hand and he jolts, startled.

 _Hey are you doing ok?_ Eren writes.

Armin sits up, his breathing heavy, his eyes wet. _No_ , he types back.

 _What's the matter?_ Eren's response is immediate.

Armin's hands shake. _My grandfather is dying_ , his auto-correct types for him, his fingers missing the keys.

 _Oh my god_  
_Armin I'm so sorry_

 _No, I'm sorry_ , Armin writes  
_I've been out of it all day_

 _oh my god, no_  
_don't apologize_ , Eren types.  
_I had no idea_

 _I'm sorry_  
_I didn't want to talk about it_ , Armin says.

There's a pause. Floating dots.

 _Do you need anything?_ Eren says.

Armin hangs his head. _I don't know. I'm just really out of it._

_Do you want to come over?_

Armin feels a burning in his body, a stinging in his bones. He sighs in the dark. There's no hiding it, he figures. No point in pretending. But he still hesitates. It seems like too much to dump on Eren.

Armin gazes at the screen, feeling frozen. Eren wants to know. If Eren can handle this, then he can deal with anything.

 _Yes_ , Armin types.

**

Armin's face is red when he shows up at the Jaegers' house. Eren notices it when he opens the door. He feels a sinking in his chest to see Armin like this, but it makes his eyes look so incredibly blue. "Hey," Eren says.

Armin steps inside and wraps his arms around Eren. He rests his head against Eren's chest.

"Are you ok?" Eren asks. He pushes the door shut and they stand in the foyer for a moment. Armin shakes his head 'no.' Eren pulls him tighter. "I'm so sorry," Eren says. He strokes Armin's hair. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Eren feels Armin shudder. Armin looks at him, then tucks his head back down again. "Because I didn't want to believe it." His voice creaks.

Eren feels the shaking again, he feels tears soak through his t-shirt. He rubs Armin's back.

"And I just...didn't want to...I don't know, I just...didn't want to make you deal with this..." Armin's voice is dry and strained.

Eren feels completely clueless, helpless. "Come sit down with me," he says.

Armin releases him and peers up the staircase.

"It's ok, Mikasa's asleep," Eren says.

They walk into the living room, and Armin sinks into the couch next to Eren, his face in his hands. "He's been losing his memory," Armin says. Eren strokes his back again. "We went to see him today...he didn't recognize me." Armin looks up. "He's not dead, but...he doesn't know who I am anymore."

Eren reaches over and pulls Armin into his lap. Armin wraps his arms around Eren's shoulders. There is nothing to do, Eren realizes, except to let Armin cry. There is no fixing this. There is nothing to say but "I'm sorry." He feels Armin's breath start to deepen. "You guys were close, weren't you?"

Armin nods and sighs. "Yeah. When my parents split up, my mom moved back in with him. So we were together a lot." Armin lies back on the couch and pulls Eren down with him.

How long Eren lies on the couch embracing Armin, he can't say. Ten minutes? Twenty? He feels sick at how good it feels to hold him, knowing he's suffering. Eren kisses Armin's forehead, his cheek, and his jaw. Armin looks up and kisses Eren's mouth.

Eren feels himself go rigid at the touch of Armin's lips. Armin's hand finds the back of his neck, and Eren sees no choice but to surrender. He lets Armin's tongue break the seal of his lips. His whole body flushes with heat. He tries to delicately mimic Armin's movements. He pulls away, flustered.

"What's the matter?" Armin asks.

"Um...I just...uh, I haven't really...kissed anyone before..." Eren's face burns.

A smile spreads across Armin's face. "Really?"

Eren shuts his eyes and rests his forehead against Armin's.

Armin chuckles. "I'm your first kiss?" He touches Eren's face.

"Yeah," Eren groans.

"I wouldn't have guessed," Armin says, still smiling. "I like how you kiss me."

Eren takes a deep breath.

"Kiss me again," Armin says. He pulls the two of them back together, and this time Eren sinks into it, deeper.

Eren feels himself getting hard. It makes him embarrassed. This is supposed to be about Armin. He feels betrayed by his body, until he feels pressure against his groin. It's happening to Armin, too.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Armin asks after a minute.

"What? Oh. Yeah." Eren sits up, and Armin pulls off Eren's dark green t-shirt. He straddles Eren's lap and guides Eren's hands to take off his own.

Eren grabs Armin's waist, and Armin drapes his arms around Eren's shoulders again. It feels even better, Eren thinks, to touch Armin's skin, to feel the heat of his body even closer. Eren reaches for Armin's soft hair again when he hears the sound of little footsteps.

Mikasa stands in the doorframe, looking at them. Armin pulls away instantly. Mikasa starts crying.

"Mikasa, what's wrong?" Armin asks, slipping his shirt back on.

She rubs her eyes and stamps her feet. "You had a sleepover party and you didn't invite me!" she sobs.

Armin and Eren look at each other. Mikasa continues to wail. Eren gets up and walks over to her. He kneels down and gives her a hug. "Mikasa it's ok," he says.

"You didn't invite me!" she screams.

Eren senses a tantrum. "You know what, Mikasa, tomorrow night, we'll have a real party," he says. She keeps crying.

Armin walks over. "What do you think, Mikasa? Do you want to have a party tomorrow night?" He leans over the two of them.

She gradually calms down. "Uh-huh," she says. She sniffs loudly. "Eren, I want to have a tea party," she says. "Like Alice in Wonderland."

Eren pats her on the back. "That's a great idea. Yes. We'll have a tea party."

"And I want to dress up, and you and Armin dress up--"

"I'll wear my nicest suit," Armin says.

"I'll wear my suit, too," Eren says. "And you can wear your blue dress, from ballet--"

"Uh-huh," Mikasa says.

"We'll get a cake from the store--"

"Cupcakes," she says.

"Ok, we'll get cupcakes," Eren says. Please, God, he thinks; please forget about everything you have just seen and only mention the tea party to Mom and Dad. Please.

Eren pours Mikasa a cup of water and walks her back to her room.

"Lots of crying for one night," Armin says.

"Armin," Eren says. "I don't care. I promise." He reaches out and embraces Armin again.


	5. Chapter 5

Eren stands in the hall with his arms around Armin when Armin's stomach lets out a loud, low growl. Armin contracts with embarrassment. 

"You all right?" Eren asks. 

Armin sighs. "I forgot I didn't eat anything this afternoon. I didn't even notice I was hungry."

"Shit," Eren says. "All I got here is pasta and eggs. Or cereal. Unless you want to order something."

Armin shakes his head. "Pasta sounds great."

They walk downstairs and Eren's mind goes blank. It's just pasta, he thinks: you can make a fucking pot of pasta. He goes through the steps slowly. Armin sits at the kitchen table with a glass of water, not even watching, but his presence makes Eren feel like he's moving through syrup. 

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Armin says, his head in his hands. "I don't know if I should even go back to the hospital tomorrow or not."

"I don't know," Eren says. He stirs the thick sauce. 

Armin's phone rings in his pocket and he takes it out. "Oh, fuck." He answers it. "Mom?" 

Eren checks on the pasta, still too crunchy. He stands awkwardly at the stove, wondering if this is the phone call Armin's been afraid of. 

"I'm sorry," Armin says into the phone. "What? No, I'm fine. It's fine. I'm...uh, I'm staying at a friend's house. Yeah. I just, uh..." he glances up at Eren, "needed to get out of the house. Yeah. Sorry, I thought you were asleep. I would have told you."

Armin goes quiet for a minute. Eren pulls another long noodle from the pot. He hunts in the cabinet for a colander. 

"No, Mom, it's fine." Armin grips a handful of his hair. "I can walk back in the morning, it's close." 

Eren scoops the pasta into two bowls, a heaping one for Armin, a lighter one for himself. He plants a fork in each one. 

"It's fine. Really. Don't worry about it," Armin says. "All right? Ok, I'll see you later. Ok. I love you, too."

Armin lays the phone face down and slumps over the table. Eren sets the food in front of him and sits next to him. "Do you want to spend the night here?" Eren asks. 

"Yeah. Thanks. I don't...really want to go back there tonight." Armin reaches for the bowl. "Thank you."

Eren tries his creation. Not too crunchy, not too mushy. Thank god. As they eat, Eren pictures the state of his room; he can't think of anything too incriminating or embarrassing lying about. No stiff stains on the sheets. 

"Jesus, no wonder I felt bad." Armin's bowl is empty. 

"Do you want more?" 

"Oh. Uh, yeah, is there any left?" 

"Yeah. Here, I'll get it." Eren feels inordinately proud. 

**

Armin pulls off his shirt and shorts and lies down in Eren's bed. Eren switches off the light behind them, and notices Armin watching him undress in the dim glow from the street lamps outside. 

Phylodendron vines hang over them from a shelf set into the wall behind the bed. Eren's beloved potted palm forms a canopy over the bed and the desk. A huge aloe plant guards the window, and piles of Eren's clothes fill the gaps between the assortment of plant pots on the floor. 

"It's a jungle in here," Armin says. 

"Sorry," Eren says. He tucks a vine away from above Armin's head.

"No, I like it." Armin reaches for Eren again and kisses him. He pulls himself on top of Eren and lets his weight sink into him. 

Eren finds it the slightest bit intimidating, how comfortable Armin seems, when Eren himself feels suddenly stiff and nervous again. Armin gently grips the back of Eren's neck. Eren tries to relax, already throbbingly hard. He grabs Armin's butt, and Armin kisses him harder. 

Armin slides his hand down the front of Eren's body and starts stroking Eren's cock. It makes Eren shudder. 

"Can I?" Armin asks. 

"What?" 

"Get you off," Armin says with a fox-like grin. 

"Uh, yes," Eren says. "You don't, um. You don't...really have to ask."

"No, I do," Armin says. He pulls off Eren's underwear and licks the inside of his thigh. "Even if I think I know what you're going to say."

The mischievous smile on Armin's face makes Eren want to melt, but the sensation of his tongue makes Eren's body go rigid. Armin grips the base of Eren's cock with one hand, with the other he grabs Eren's hip. He takes Eren into his mouth. It doesn't take him long before Eren's body begins to convulse. 

Eren grips the sheets, tilts his head back and gasps. He comes on his own stomach. Armin hovers over him with a satisfied expression. 

Armin swipes a handful of tissues off the desk for Eren. For a few minutes Eren lies underneath Armin, speechless, his breathing heavy. 

Armin shifts onto his side. "You ok?" 

"Yeah," Eren says to the ceiling, green eyes glazed over. "I'm...I'm great." He shuts his eyes and sighs. Armin is still hard against his thigh. Eren turns to face him. He bites his lip. 

"What?" Armin smiles at him. 

"I want to do it to you too, but I've never done it to anyone before."

Armin doesn't laugh, he just looks at Eren with a warm expression. "I know." He lies on his back, slips his finger underneath Eren's chin, and guides Eren's face toward his for another kiss. 

Eren gazes down at the body lying before him, like white marble in the low light, completely familiar and completely alien at the same time. Armin grabs Eren's wrist and puts his hand on his cock. 

Eren laughs. "I was getting there! I'm just...admiring."

Armin grins. "Admire all you want."

It's too soon for Eren to get hard again, but he likes the feeling of Armin's pulse in his hand. Not sure what to do, Eren licks Armin's shaft. It makes him flinch. Eren likes this. 

Eren decides to lick Armin everywhere, listening to the reactions, the way his breathing quickens, the way his body shifts and contracts. He licks and kisses the insides of Armin's legs, his perineum and balls, until finally Armin grabs a handful of Eren's hair and gives him a little pull forward. 

"Please," Armin says. 

"Sorry," Eren says. 

"No, I like it," Armin says. "It's driving me crazy."

Eren smiles, then descends onto Armin's cock. He likes the feel of it in his mouth, the texture of Armin's skin on his tongue; he likes feeling Armin's back arch underneath him. Eren tries to do what he thinks would feel good done to him. Armin guides Eren's head, trying not to make him cough or gag. After a moment, Armin lets himself go to putty in Eren's hands. Then his body stiffens. 

Eren spits into a tissue. He's never been so happy to have something so foul-tasting in his mouth. Armin pulls Eren on top of him again and kisses him until Eren can no longer taste the bitter remnant. Eren rests his head on Armin's chest, a pleasant delirium starting to set in. 

"Eren," Armin whispers, "what time do I need to get out of here in the morning?" 

"Hm?" 

"I don't want Mikasa to say anything to your parents about me being here."

"Oh... I don't think she'll be awake before eight," Eren says. 

Armin sets the alarm on his phone for seven thirty. He lays it back on the desk, then lies back down with Eren. He falls asleep quickly, overcome by the gravity of the day's extreme emotions. Eren lies in his hormonal stupor and feels the slow heat of Armin's breath on his skin. 

I want more of this, Eren thinks. 

Not the turmoil and grief for Armin. None of that. But everything else he wishes for in spades. 

**

Armin says almost nothing in the morning when he leaves. He gives a half-awake Eren another long kiss, gets dressed, and sneaks out silently. 

After the last day's eruption, Armin doesn't want to cry again. He doesn't want to pull the screen back and expose the dark rooms in his mind again. He's afraid if he explains his absence to his other friends, the floodgates will open again on their own accord. 

Or will they? Does he have to explain anything? Armin decides not to go back to the hospital. He drinks a cup of coffee and eats a bowl of oatmeal with his silent mother, gives her a hug, and goes to fencing. 

**

Armin meets Mikasa and Eren outside the supermarket, late in the afternoon. He carries a garment bag draped over one arm and a tote bag over his shoulder. 

Mikasa climbs down from Eren's shoulders to give him a hug. She presses her hands and nose up against the glass of the bakery display and examines the cupcakes. "These ones!" she shouts and points at a box of six with different frosting flowers on the top. 

Eren puts them in the cart, next to bread, cheese and cucumbers, and peanut butter and jelly to make two kinds of tiny sandwiches out of. 

When they unpack the bags on the kitchen table, Eren spots a square black tin with gold writing across the front. 

"What the..." Eren turns it over in his hand. "You brought Smith & Ackerman tea? Armin, this stuff is really expensive!" 

"I know," Armin says. Mikasa watches him spread peanut butter onto slices of bread. "But I wanted to bring something I actually wanted to drink." He sighs. "And grandpa would have wanted someone to enjoy it."

Eren gives him a pained look. "How's he doing?" he asks softly. 

Armin shrugs. "My mom said he's about the same as yesterday. I might go back tomorrow. But...at this point...it's more for her than for him."

Mikasa looks up at him. "What's the matter?" 

He stands still for a moment. He squints. "My grandpa got sick," he says. 

"Is he going to get better?" she asks. She's completely guileless, but Armin's eyes still sting. 

"I don't know yet," Armin says. He smiles, but Eren notices him blinking quickly. 

"Come on, Mikasa, the food's almost ready." Eren cuts another sandwich into little triangles. "Let's go wash our hands and you can put on your dress."

She skips up from the table and stands on the step stool to the sink. When she runs upstairs to her room, Eren gives Armin a hug. Armin wipes his eyes on the sleeve of his t-shirt. 

**

"I can't believe we're doing this," Eren says as he pulls his suit from his closet. 

"I can." Armin knots his silvery blue tie. "You're a better brother to Mikasa than you think."

Eren shakes his head and buttons his shirt. He slips his blazer on. He turns to Armin before they walk out. "You look really nice," he says. 

"Thanks." Armin sighs again. "I needed a happy occasion to wear the suit, you know."

**

A paisley blanket lies draped over the living room coffee table, covered in the plates of cupcakes and sandwiches and an assortment of china and plastic. Pillows from the sofa and chairs lie around it. Mikasa wears a blue leotard with a huge poofy tulle skirt. She seats her guests of honor: a stuffed yellow dog with a green bolo tie around his neck, a black cat in a lace cravat, and an otter in glasses. 

Eren pours hot water into the porcelain tea pot. Mikasa runs back upstairs and grabs the Barbies. To Armin's amazement, they're dressed: Annie in a shiny red ball gown, her lieges in powder blue and creamsicle orange suits. Who designs this stuff, Armin wonders. Who inflicts such sartorial cruelty on tiny plastic men? 

Eren brings in the porcelain teapot when Mikasa runs out of the room again. She dashes back in and hands Eren a glittery green plastic tophat from a Saint Patrick's day party at school. "Eren, you're the Mad Hatter!" She gives Armin a headband with Easter rabbit ears. "Armin, you're the White Rabbit! And I'm Alice!" 

The boys laugh and put on their headgear. 

Mikasa's tea is mostly milk and sugar. Eren adds a dime-sized drop of honey to his. Armin drinks his black. 

Mikasa animatedly "feeds" her dolls and chatters on excitedly in different voices between them. Eren and Armin play along. It's simple enough. One question takes her in a million directions. 

Armin looks at the stuffed black cat. "And what does Mr. Levi think of the sandwiches?" 

"He doesn't like sandwiches," she says. "He only likes the tea, with lots of honey."

The boys grin at each other and make their way through the food. So I got my white rabbit after all, Eren thinks. He looks at Armin and sputters a little laugh.

"What?" Armin takes a cupcake from the plate.

"It's the ears," Eren says. He takes another sandwich. 

Armin looks up. "You know, I think it kind of suits me."

Eren smiles, and Armin smiles back.

The garage door opens, and Eren's eyes widen in terror. 

Armin looks confused. "Is that your--"

"Wait a second, I didn't think they were coming back--" Eren darts into the kitchen and grabs his phone. Three missed calls, a voicemail from his dad.

Carla opens the back door to the kitchen, in her long sundress and sandals. "Eren? Honey, why are you dressed like that?"

Eren stands frozen. "Why are you back?"

"You didn't get your dad's message?"

Eren shakes his tophatted head slowly. 

"We came back early because of the storms," Carla says.

Then Mikasa runs screaming into the room. "Mommy! Daddy! We had a tea party!" She jumps into Grisha's arms. "And I'm Alice, and Eren is the Mad Hatter, and this is Armin--" she points at him, standing with a flushed face and rabbit ears, "and he's the White Rabbit, and he's our neighbor--"

Grisha reaches his hand out and Armin shakes it. "You must be Alison Arlert's son," he says. "Grisha Jaeger."

"Nice to meet you." Armin smiles and accepts his fate. There's a shade of concern to Grisha's expression. Armin wonders if he knows about Artolt. 

Carla clamps her hand over her mouth when she sees the living room. Eren's stomach drops. Then she bursts out into delighted laughter. "Eren, this is too sweet!" She gives him a hug and kisses his cheek. Eren stands dazed.

"Mommy, come have tea!" Mikasa grabs her hand.

"I'll unpack the car," Grisha says. He turns to the boys. "You two are relieved of duty."

Armin's phone rings again. "Uh, excuse me for a minute," he says. He lays the ears on the counter. "I should take this." He steps onto the terrace.

"Where's Armin going?" Mikasa says. She holds a cupcake. 

"I don't know," Eren says. "I think he might have to go home soon."

Mikasa pouts.

"Hey, Mikasa," Eren looks at the dolls and stuffed animals, "why don't you have a movie night? And you can show all your friends Alice in Wonderland?"

Carla gives him a satisfied smile. 

**

Eren steps onto the terrace with a fresh pot of the fragrant black tea. In his button-down shirt and suit pants, he looks like a butler, carrying the tray. Armin sits at the table, still in his blazer, with his face buried in his folded arms. The windows to the living room flicker blue from Mikasa's movie. The sunset glows a wild red through Eren's curtain of vines, hanging from the awning above them. In the distance, dark rain clouds are approaching.

Eren sits down and pours them two more cups. 

Armin sits up slowly. He takes off his jacket and lays it over the chair adjacent to him. "We have to put him in hospice," he says, his face red. "They think it's just a few more days now."

"I'm so sorry," Eren says. They sit in silence for a moment. "Do you need to go?"

"No," Armin says. "Not yet. I'll go over there tomorrow."

"I told my parents something was wrong with your grandpa," Eren says. "I hope that's ok. I said they probably shouldn't ask you about it."

Armin nods. "Yeah, it's better that you told them. Thank you." He rubs his face and sinks back in his chair. He looks at the darkening sky. It's not the end. But it feels like the end. A raindrop his the terrace. Then another. Then a screen of rain blocks out the view of the sunset. 

"I wish there was something I could do for you," Eren says.

Armin turns to him slowly, with an offended look on his face. "Eren. You made me spaghetti in the middle of the night. You're making my grandfather's tea." He shakes his head and rests it in his hand. "Eren...this whole week...I needed to get out, I needed to do something...I needed to..." He sits up again and throws his hands up in despair. "I needed to...make pancakes, and put on rabbit ears, and eat cupcakes with Mikasa..." He starts to laugh, but it quickly turns to crying. 

Eren stands up from his chair and reaches for Armin. Armin gets up and throws his arms around him.

"There's a concert coming up next week," Eren says softly into Armin's ear. "I'm going with some of my Trost friends. Do you want to come with me?"

"Yeah. I'd like that," Armin says. "God knows what state I'm going to be in." He sniffs.

"If you feel bad we can just come back here," Eren says.

"I really like it here." Armin looks around the terrace over Eren's shoulder. He smiles. "All your plants...and your room..."

"I can get you some plants for your room." Eren clutches him tighter.

Armin laughs, then rests his forehead on Eren's shoulder. The rain falls harder.

"It's going to be a hard rest of the summer, isn't it," Eren says quietly.

"Yeah," Armin says. "It will be." He pulls back slightly and looks into Eren's eyes for a moment. He takes Eren's face in his hands and kisses him.


End file.
